Oh, golly gee willikers. I haven't written in just over a week. I apologise! Please forgive, my non-existent followers. I apologise. A lot has gone down, today... I don't really want to talk about it. I'm sort of really hurting right now and I don't feel like writing a blog about my life spiraling down. I would like to see how far I am from rock bottom, but unless something goes horrendously wrong tomorrow, I shouldn't get there. I hope I'm higher up.
I don't have much to talk about, because there isn't much I care to say. I know that I cried twice, almost three times today. I feel like doing it again. I hate it when I cry. I feel like such a useless loser wimp. But it feels a lot better than holding it all in. So, I guess I'll cry. But whatever. I know that I have wonderful friends and thats all that matters, so ...Ex... dumping me is, I guess, okay. I'll get over it. But I want to break his stereo like he broke my heart. Maybe then he won't be so smug and talk to me like I'm not even human.
...I hate Thursdays. Nothing today will ever be good, not as long as Supernatural is gone.
Please, if you think you can make me smile, do it.
Well, I am super euphoric right now.
Like, I don't even know why. Just sort of giddy happy. I had an amazing day even though I was tired and looked like hell.
I woke up at, like, eight thirty in the morning, so Boyfriend could come get me and TC at nine. We dropped TC off at her house and went to Boyfriend's, where almost the entire day I was pillow/children tree. Boyfriend practically slept for an hour with his head on my lap, and the girls climbed all over me and bothered him. After everyone settled down, we were pretty quiet and chill for a while. Then they got excited again, and they were literally climbing all over me. We did nothing, nothing, and nothing some more, then watched Toy Story and Shark Tale. Then, since Boyfriend had decided it was necessary to drag me into public, he did so. We went and saw Grown Ups with Redneck, LS, and GG. The movie was pretty freaking awesome, an absolute riot. Also sort of disgusting, at some points, but you know...
I have to say that was the best movie I've ever gone to theatres for. Not because of the choice of movie, though, it was more the choice of people.
After all that, I have to say my day will be hard to top. I definitely had a great time. I can't even write it all down it was so epic. Even though by most people's standards it was boring and the children were irritating, I loved it.
I always feel so spectacular when I'm being out right told that I'm over-reacting when the nay-sayer doesn't even know what I'm reacting to. Sorry I'm such an opinionated person, if you were a girl, you'd be more likely to understand.
But, as you're not a girl, you don't get the same feeling about these sort of things as I. I apologise for being so 'rash' and 'jealous' D:<
Just because you can 'deal' with something doesn't mean it doesn't royally piss you off. Same here. I'm not going to say why I'm so pissed off, just know I am. Angry face accurately mirrors my feelings. Just, maybe a little more exaggeratedly.
Because, you know, I have two eyebrows, not a pointy line, and my mouth stays on my face. Plus I have eyelids and stuff and... Yeah. It's the emotions inside that look like that. :P
So, today, I quite literally fell off the garage. I was sitting on top, went to get down, slipped on the eavestrough, cut the back of my thigh, and bruised and skinned my elbow. But it was an adventure, let me tell you. I had a party.
Also have a burn on the back of my leg, too. Which stings. The roof was really hot, mmkay? Crocheted blankets are not enough padding to prevent burning. Or injury. And ladders are fickle little bastards. And some other things but I'm too lazy to write them down.
My hair is finally growing again, yaay~! Only maybe a year until it's back to the length it was when I cut it. Quite possibly more, however. I'm going to hate myself forever for cutting my hair, I know that much. I miss my long hair so much. But maybe now it'll be a little more even. Hehe, no more I-can-pin-my-hair-up-so-it-looks-super-short for me! WHY did I cut my hair?!?!?!
Well... I don't much know what to say.
Nothing new, is it.
Quick update? Naw.
We'll hold that one off till July. B)
Have a good'er!
Hee hee.
Hee hee.
Thanks for reading.
Desiree~
Here comes a bunch of word vomit, so if you aren't prepared, don't read it. Boyfriend probably shouldn't read it either because I might sound slightly insane... Not that I don't already but wordvomit and terrible grammar and poor sentence structure and looking like I suffer from INCREDIBLY BAD ADHD, HERE WE COME!
Any ways. I suppose I should get started, but where do I start, where to start...
I'm supposedly supposed to visit Boyfriend's little sisters more often. The two littlest ones, they supposedly miss me haha. Which makes me chuckle. I bet they miss me more than he does at any given time, but then again, I talk to him all the time. I don't get to talk to them much :( Which super sucks. Uhm... I really like his family, I dunno. I don't know them very well, but his mom is really nice, his dad is really cool, and I love his little sisters (all three of them) and I want his dog to live forever! Jake is the most awesomest golden retriever EVER. Even though he is technically the only one I've met...
Anywhom. I like that dog quite a bit, yes.
Have you ever felt like everyone you know is embarrassed of you? Embarrassed to know you, to be your friend, to like you, etc.? I have that feeling right now, that even my family is embarrassed to be my family. Which is always a nice thing, yeah, woo hoo. I sort of feel like that person who everyone is only friends with because they feel bad for them. Because, well, you know. They feel bad that I have no friends, so they're like, "Well, let's take her under our wing, sure she's awkward and annoying and she's stupid and sort of really ugly, but hey, it's mean to just leave her to be an emo kid all alone. Plus, she might shoot everyone at school if she has no friends." Sort of like a I win, they lose situation. /Sigh I sort of wish I could be less insecure with myself. I'm kind of really a downer around people, ya know? But everyone gets like this. Just myself, more so than often. haha...
Not funny. I know. DX. (That's a face, by the way.) But I wish I could get out of the freaking house! I've been sleeping so late every day that by the time I pry myself from the bed I'm too tired to do anything for the next two hours, and by the time those two hours are up, there's nothing to do! I've been sitting at home, playing on the computer, all day. That's practically all I do! It's getting pretty pathetic. I would go out and do something, but I've been so tired! My mum thinks I'm sick, I say bull shite. At least, I hope I'm not sick. I hate being sick. Especially in summer.
I want to go to BC so badly right now! It could be crazy awesome fun. Plus it would make me feel a lot better. Just go on a road trip with my friends, since no one in my family is in a place to go anywhere. My mum has no holidays, my dad has no balance because his inner ear is messed up, and my sister is too obsessed with her boyfriend to go anywhere without him, and he won't go anywhere. I really hate how that always happens, that when my sister gets a boyfriend she ignores everyone else for him and his family. It's completely bush and it makes me mad.
I have a lot of wishes in my life. I kind of like that song, the lyrics are, like, "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars, cuz I could really use a wish right now".
I have a lot of wishes though, so it would be pretty selfish of me to pretend that. I'd feel guilty.
I saw a shooting star, though! The other night, it was so cool! I won't tell you what I wished, but it was probably my biggest wish for the last year and a month. I finally made it! I'll probably make it again, as long as it's applicable. I know that wishing for the same thing over and over again is foolish, but that's the only thing I really, truly want right now. I mean, if I went with what my wish was for a little while, I'd have nothing to wish for, because I already have it right now. ♥
Is it really hard to talk to me? Like, is it really that hard, am I that unbearable that no one wants to talk to me? Because I feel like it. I don't want to sound pushy, or needy, but I really like talking to you and it bugs me that we don't anymore. We went from talking, like, all the time, to hardly talking at all! You always seem too busy for me, and it hurts. Sorry I'm such a useless, needy, semi-dependent person! Independence is hard, and even if you're capable of it, I'm not. At all. I need other people to feel whole, but it has to be people I connect with. I could be in a room full of people I liked, but if none of them were people I connected with, I would be the loneliest person there. And that's how I am, most of the time. I don't connect with many people, but of the few I do, you are the one who I always want to talk to, but you never seem to be there. I have four people I connect with. But without you, there's three. And when I don't want any of them to think less of me, it might as well be zero. You're the only person I feel like I don't have to worry about that with, but I obviously do. And now I know that I really don't connect with people the way I wish I did.
Sorry that I'm so hard to deal with. Maybe you should just stop talking to me at all, since you hardly talk to me anyways. Any relationship needs communication, whether it's friends, family, or love. All of them do, and when you won't talk to me, our relationship seems like it's crashing down around me.
Thanks. You'll never know how significant you are to me, considering you hardly ever speak to me. You pretend that you know and when we do talk you say I'm significant to you, but sometimes I feel like that's bullshite.
Thanks for reading my wordvomit, y'all, even though that's scarcely an eighth of what's on my mind!
Love, Desiree ☻
Love, Desiree ☻
Freaking rain. This is getting bad, not even kidding. Every where is soaked. We can't take much more of this or all of Southern Alberta is going to fall right off the map, it will just sink into the ground and become a massive lake surrounded by the Rocky Mountains and Saskatchewan. It's so ridiculous. There's so much rain.
Lately, I've been reading this book, and it's supposedly knowledgeable about the male species. I say lies. Haha. "Cupcake" says it's possible that it's right, which confuses me, but you know, it was written by a guy, so maybe... Haha.
The blue sky is peeking out again. It's nice to see. :)
I've been writing again. Tomorrow, I don't know if I'll be able to. But I love writing. I dunno, it's just what I love doing.
Today has been really uneventful, except I am now officially done grade eleven. :") Excitement!
Last night I had a dream that was really weird. It was raining, and it was like the zombie apocalypse or something, and I was with TC, "Cupcake", Boyfriend, Cleaner, Redneck, and Boston, and we were all kind of hiding, and I started singing "It's Raining Men", just the lyrics were "It's raining zombies, oh my goodness, it's raining zombies, holy fuzz!" And we were hiding and stuff and it was weird. In my dream we were then assassinated by a tank, like on L4D.
I don't have anything else to write her, so...
Have a nice night. :)
Desiree, signing off.
So, last night was insane.
We went on an insane roadtrip, all the way to the freaking border! It was pitch black and in the middle of no where, no cell phone service, prime takings for cannibalistic hudderites. It was pretty scary. We went down to Del Bonita and the American border without meaning to, then came back to my home, traded our first sleepy head buddy, Firewhisky, for two more, Boyfriend and Redneck, and headed out again. We went north of Coaldale, all around to Vauxhall, then went to Taber. We then proceeded to go out to Etzikom to try and find what we were looking for, an abandoned house, but it didn't happen like that. We only found one, but it wasn't the one I was looking for, so, instead, we found a different one, and went there. Not as cool as the one I wanted to go to, but you know, we still had fun. Boyfriend fell asleep, so did Redneck, and TC. Only "Cupcake" and I stayed up the whole time, but on the drive back I did snooze a little. It was incredibly hard to stay awake. /Sigh. I had a really scary dream that Redneck rolled the car, that woke me right up. It scared the bejeezus out of me.
I had a really good time on this mini-roadtrip, considering it started out as a movie night, haha. Our one friend Dugley was going to join us, but by the time he was ready to, we were in the middle of no where, so... Dang. Haha. We had a lot of fun last night.
I finally got out of the house for the first time in a while. But I definitely had a lot of fun :)
Thanks for reading :)
Desiree
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